It amazes me when I hear people complain about intimate relationships, friendships and jobs but when I ask what are you offering? I get a mediocre response.
How do you expect anyone to take you seriously when you have nothing worth substance to show for yourself? Now don’t get me wrong we all go through different hardships in these categories however it doesn’t mean you have to stay with a “Debbie downer” attitude either.
In an intimate relationship, you have your needs and wants in a mate. It can be looks, financial stability, work ethics, family oriented, share same religious beliefs etc but what do you show about yourself? Are you representing the same qualities of perfection that you desire? If the answer is “no” than maybe you need to take the time to work on yourself. It makes no sense to have high expectations for a mate when you are failing to do so for yourself.
Friendships just like any relationship is a two way street. To get respect you have to earn it. People will say in a heart beat that they have no friends or want friends but they push people away. Maybe social skills are lacking, maybe it’s a personality thing, whatever is the “reason” for giving others the cold shoulder, make sure you remain mad at yourself. It falls on you if you don’t want to communicate. It’s on you if haven’t found the “perfect” friend.
Jobs can be boring, stressful and fun(especially if your the owner) and many of us are not in our field of study. However, if you are constantly late, missing deadlines, being suspended, being absent and insubordinate, I really hope you don’t expect your boss to give you a raise or promotion. What are you offering for advancement? The work ethics just previously listed would get anyone terminated. If you were a boss, would you hire You??
Think about these things friends. If u feel u fall into any of these categories there is a will and a way to get better. I am here if anyone wants to chat privately.
Nikki Rob., MA
I find it interesting when I hear people say “I don’t want to date people anymore or I’m done with relationships because Love has failed me”.
Everyone has their own definition of the word Love. To many, it’s an emotion, it’s a feeling you feel with your mind, body and soul. We share different forms of love with our families, friends, pets, possessions etc.. but when it comes to intimate relationships, that is the only time that I hear “love don’t love me”.
When your significant other does something that you feel is a form of betrayal, of course you will be hurt, you Will feel pain and that’s because of that person not Love. People lie, steal, cheat and kill and LOVE should not be the blame.
I know for many who are currently going through heart ache from a break up, it may be difficult to believe this right now but please know that you WILL be ok. With time, doing things to better yourself and meeting new positive people, you can and Will love again. Love hasn’t failed you beloved, a person who didn’t deserve you did.
Nikki Rob., MA
Forgiveness and Moving on (letting go)
Two things that should go hand in hand yet so challenging.
When someone does something to hurt you, for most its easier to just stay mad at them and cut them out of your life. What if it were a family member? a best friend from childhood? or your life partner? Not that simple? Indeed, it can be more difficult to turn the other cheek when it involves people you love and care about.
In our minds, we expect our closest to “KNOW BETTER” when in reality they are human. Humans are not perfect and will mess up. Your closest will say hurtful things, do hurtful things and let you down. Guess what?…So will YOU.
I do understand, that we all have limits. If someone (even the closest to you) did something beyond your limits and you can’t allow yourself to forgive them, ok so be it. I do believe that you need to Let go, so you can be able to live your life to the fullest. It doesn’t make sense to mope around in a depressive state when the other person is going to bed happy at night. On the other hand, if you do decide to forgive them, you have to communicate.
Communication aka Reconciliation can help you come to better terms. Express how the events made you feel and how you can work towards making the relationship better. Allow the person to express themself and clear his or her conscious as well. You will be surprised of the reasonings behind their actions regardless of your disapproval.
Think about it, havent you made someone upset or had an argument and wanted to get your point across? or tell your reasoning for what you did or didn’t do? I guess you expect people to give you another chance as well right? It goes BOTH ways friends.
This will not be an easy task to achieve and you may Not like it, but the benefit of relieving stress and letting go of toxic anger, is worth it for your mind, body and soul.
Nikki Rob., MA
No one likes to take responsibility for the bad outcomes or experiences we face daily, it’s easier to point the finger to someone else.
Let’s say a student has detention after school.
Parent: why are you serving detention?
Student: Ms. Day only singled me out and there were other kids doing the same thing. She doesn’t like me
Parent: ok other kids acted up, but what do YOU do?
Student: I was playing and talking while she was teaching. But the other kids dared me to do it.
How many times have we heard this dialogue? Even into adulthood. We will still make excuses or find a way for the lime light to not be on ourselves or we have to take someone down with us.
I hear quite often about people in relationships getting mistreated. As hurtful as it may be, we must think about our role in the events. Has this person showed you a pattern of the same behavior? Did you set the tone of what you wanted in the beginning? If you allowed someone to have a lot of benefits in the beginning of the relationship, there really isn’t much to look forward to. Your mate has to earn your love and respect.
If you are reprimanded on your job for lateness there is nothing to blame but yourself. Yes traffic can be horrible, kids can be sick, a flat tire could occur but what makes you think your employer cares? Take responsibility and wake up earlier so that you can make it to work before your schedule time.
So accountability friends. We have to do better and handle our responsibilities.
Nikki Rob., MA