I am no relationship guru however I am intrigued by the study of marriage and relationships. I actually plan to obtain a degree in marriage and family counseling. So I entitled this post to be the do’s and don’ts if you plan to stay in a committed relationships because even though we are human and make mistakes we still forget the basics.
Do’s to stay in a committed relationship:
Rather you are courting, engaged or married, I will name a few things to continue to do in your relationship.
1) uplift your partner- with so much issues we deal with outside of home, you don’t need to be put down in your own house.
2)continue to be honest. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
3) if you started out the relationship doing sweet little things such as writing poetry, buying flowers, making your partner’s favorite meal continue to do so. Hey, you made it this far for a reason right?
4) recognize your partner’s love language. Gary Chapman wrote a book called “the 5 love languages” it’s excellent.
5)spend quality time- just because you are in the same room and sleep in together doesn’t count if there are distractions. So if one is on the phone, playing video games or watching a tv show, does your partner really have your UNDIVIDED attention? Think about it.
6) date night is a must- even if you have crazy schedules, kids or pets; always find a way to escape from it all. Even if it is staying in, find a calming place or room to be one with one another.
7) always say “I love you”- when you say it mean it an probe it through your actions towards your partner.
8) when making decisions ask for feedback from your partner- when you do this, your partner will see how much their opinion means to you. The last thing you want is to make a decision and your partner is totally against it.
9) Remain bestfriends- I will never get the concept of your partner not being a friend to you as well as lover. It’s like do you know what it takes to be a friend? If so your partner has to fall in that category.
10) With the exception of the higher being you worship, your partner’s happiness comes before others- this is straight to the point. Continue to aim for their happiness and out their feelings first, I guarantee they will do the same back.
1) Cheat- if you are truly unhappy, just leave. It’s time wasted that you Both can’t get back. It’s also very selfish and if you are in a committed relationship, selfish is one trait you do not have room for.
2) threaten to leave- not only does it show your insecurities but it makes your person feel like you are throwing in the towel. Let’s say your partner calls your bluff and doesn’t fall into your attention seeking (yes it’s a cry for attention) trap, what will you do then? You said it, so you must have meant it right? Think on that one.
3) be disrespectful- you can’t expect respect if you don’t give it. For example, If your partner talks in a tone or uses language that you do not like; you can’t speak to them that way either.
4) tit for tat- that doesn’t work. So your partner did something on day 1 and you want to get back at him or her so you do the same on day 2. What was accomplished? 2 full days of being angry at one another all because of pride. Act your age on that please.
5) your partner is not your Ex- if you treat your partner in the same manner you did with your ex, my guess is you plan for this relationship to be short-lived. You can’t go in to a new relationship doing the same things that Didn’t work previously.
6) don’t keep feelings bottled up to yourself- all what happens is that you will blow up one day and while this happens, your partner will be lost and confuse about all the anger you are lashing out. Communication is key!
7) you are not a parent- there is a difference between expressing concern and treating an adult like a child. Yes it’s nice to check in but your partner does not need another parent to boss them around.
8) you have to be whole first- you can’t expect your partner to complete every aspect of your life. You have to be comfortable in your own skin, love yourself and accept yourself. Whatever is missing you can’t hold them responsible to fill the voids especially when they have theirselves to work on as well.
9) forgive and then not forgive-if you and your partner reconcile and you expressed that you forgave them, please stop bringing up that same issue from months ago. You aren’t perfect and expect forgiveness so you need to do the same for them.
10) get advice from certain “friends”- we have heard stop taking advice from single friends. Well it depends because if they have been in a committed relationship it doesn’t hurt to listen but if your friend has gone through relationships like they change their clothes… Not a good idea. Also, remember you know your partner on an intimate level. Their friends and family know them from that aspect not romantically, so who else could really be able to tell you about them romantically but you? Think about it..
11) be selfish- you have to make sacrifices. In a relationship it can’t be one-sided. This will definitely push your partner away because it shows you only care about yourself and not them.
These are just few do’s an don’ts, there are plenty more. In my opinion these are the basics. Reflect on yourself and relationship and make adjustments where it may be needed.