In the past 8 years, I’ve battle symptoms of Multiple Sclerosis. I’m an open book about this, therefore it’s no secret. I like to spread awareness so that others who are afraid, can Know they are not alone. Not only does MS have physical challenges but it also makes us schedule our lives differently.
I often cry to myself because I would make plans with people that I love and have to cancel because I don’t feel well. It’s hard to believe because on the outside, I “appear” to have it together. Yes, my fro is in place, my clothes look neat, I made it to work (somehow), I smile in selfies (hey, I like to take pics 💁🏾), I upload pics of my family but the truth is, it takes a lot of me to do those things.
I want my family, friends and church family to know that I truly love you all. I appreciate your words of kindness, prayers and guidance. I miss the “old” Nik all the time. I loved being able to just get up and go and attend most events that people hosted. Now, that I’m a wife and mom, they are my immediate family. I try to be there for them during the moments I do have some additional energy while working full time. That doesn’t mean that I love any of you less or that I don’t want be a better family member, better friend, or church sister. God forbid if things went left and the disease progress agressively (which could happen), it’s going to be my husband and son who are obligated to step in as Caregivers. Doesn’t that mean that other family and friends can’t help? No, but you all have families as well to attend to. I’m a selfless person especially about that. Don’t stop plans, or life because of little ole me. Heck, I even feel that way for husband and son too.
I also can’t forget the grieving that I’m still trying to process. At times, I’m just sad and want to be Still. I want to seek comfort from God’s promises and rest. While at rest, I’m mentally, emotionally and physically calming down from stress. Losing my father and Goddaughter is a type pain that I never experienced and trust me, I’m doing my best.
Through it all, I believe things will get better, I will get better. My relationships will grow better. I love you all and I ask that you don’t give up on me. I don’t need sympathy, just patience and understanding. Thank you 🙏🏾