Category: Positivity

Believe it… See it

or should you see it first to believe it? 

Success, many of us are scared of it. We have talents that possibly can build empires, yet we are scared of failure, scared to get out of our comfort zone. Many have to be convinced that the plan will work if not then they will not believe it. This is the difference between those who make their dreams a reality and those who keep dreaming. 

Timing can be wrong, struggles can appear but I believe in you beauties, I believe in me. Let’s do this!

Nikki

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At a stand still

Have you ever felt that your life was at a stand still? As in you don’t know if you are going or coming? I think we all have been there and it can easily become depressing. So question is how do we get out of that funk?

1) Have a vision of what you desire- most of the time when we are all over the place it is because we don’t have our visions planned out. Some believe in making vision boards filled with pictures of what they want to have. If you place it somewhere that you see everyday, it will constantly stay in your line of vision and you will do what it takes to get those goals accomplished.
2) words of affirmation- writing down positive thoughts about yourself or listening to positive self help recordings can also be beneficial and encouraging. If you feed yourself positive cognitions, the better You.
3) surround yourself around positive people- that is as simple as it gets. Try not to associate with people who bring negativity to your space or those who are “Debbie downers”. Hearing encouragement from your inner circle will truly do wonders.
4) prayer and/or mediation- many search to their religious beliefs to pray or practice some sort of calming ritual such as meditating. You are able to clear your mind, let go of stress and Breathe.

These are just few suggestions to getting yourself “out of a funk”. It doesn’t just happen over night so expect to travel the distance and not a quick sprint.

Do you have any other practices that help you get ” out of a funk”?

Later Beauties,
Nikki

Oh Baby! Bowlby’s Attachment Theory

Welcome to parenthood!

Life as you know will forever be different. From the pregnancy to delivery to having a newborn in your arms.
Sleeping in late? Ha ha! That’s done… for now at least. Well sleeping at night is a joke too because more than likely your little one wants to play, be held or is more fussy.
Feedings, burping, spit-ups, funny faces, dirty diapers, coos and of course some crying all new territory for first time parents but can be a walk around the block for “been there done that” parents.

As a new mom to a baby boy, I’ve gone through so many highs and lows of emotions. Every little move he makes has me on my toes wondering are u ok? When his eyes does meet with mine, does he see how much I love him? Or does he at least feel secure or protected? As a psychology major this brings me back to the attachment theory of Bowlby.

Bowlby’s attachment theory-
Evolutionary theory of attachment (e.g. Bowlby, Harlow, Lorenz) suggests that children come into the world biologically pre-programmed to form attachments with others, because this will help them to survive. The infant produces innate ‘social releaser’ behaviors such as crying and smiling that stimulate innate caregiving responses from adults. The determinant of attachment is not food but care and responsiveness.

Bowlby suggested that a child would initially form only one primary attachment (monotropy) and that the attachment figure acted as a secure base for exploring the world. The attachment relationship acts as a prototype for all future social relationships so disrupting it can have severe consequences.

This theory also suggests that there is a critical period for developing an attachment (about 0 -5 years). If an attachment has not developed during this period then the child will suffer from irreversible developmental consequences, such as reduced intelligence and increased aggression. (Info from simply psychology.org)

Interesting findings huh? Of course this is a theory however it does make a lot of sense. I do believe that the nurturing of a baby in the infant stages does play a role with their mood, and overall interactions with other people.

Another psychologist, Harlow did an experiment using infant Monkeys. In this day, the experiment is considered cruel and unethical however I find the study to be an interesting expansion from Bowlby’s theory.

The experiment used two groups of monkeys that was taken away from their biological mother after birth. The study included surrogate mothers one that was made of wire and a terry cloth surrogate mother both that provided food. After each feeding the monkeys would always return to the cloth surrogate. Even when an object that posed as a threat was presented, the monkeys ran to the cloth surrogate for protection oppose to the wire surrogate.

According to the article by simplypsychology.org, “These infants were highly dependent on their mothers for nutrition, protection, comfort and socialization. What exactly, though, was the basis of the bond?

The behavioral theory of attachment would suggest that an infant would form an attachment with a carer that provides food. In contrast the evolutionary theory would suggest that infants have an innate (biological) need to touch and cling to something for emotional comfort.

This surrogate was more effective in decreasing the youngsters fear. The infant would explore more when the cloth mother was present. This supports the evolutionary theory of attachment, in that it is the sensitive response and security of the caregiver that is important (as apposed to the provision of food).

Harlow concluded that for a monkey to develop normally s/he must have some interaction with an object to which they can cling during the first months of life (critical period). Clinging is a natural response – in times of stress the monkey runs to the object to which it normally clings as if the clinging decreases the stress.”

What are your thoughts on both theories? With Harlow, it makes sense to me because when a baby is scared he or she needs to feel safe and secure. If the baby isn’t getting that connection from their caregiver, it may be possible for anxiety or trust issues to arise in social relationship as he or she gets older. It’s the act of survival.

As a new parent I will do my best to protect my son, make him feel secure while he does explore on his own during different development stages.

Thoughts?

Nikki
*disclaimer- this is My blog so I did Not use proper APA format*

Embracing Pregnancy

Normally the type of post I write are geared towards relationships, career goals and encouragement. I’ve slightly touched on a few personal experiences until now… Yep My husband and I are 9 months pregnant with our first child. I’m beyond excited, nervous, and anxious all in one. I decided to blog on this topic because in my eyes I believe pregnancy is not only embraced by the mother (or surrogate) carrying the child but it’s also embraced by her significant other.
I would be lying if I said that I’m the only one pregnant or expecting. My husband and I are expecting our first child and we are pregnant. The things that are constantly running through my head are definitely running in his. Yes men and women have concerns and some are from different angles of thinking but it’s all the same, how to be a great parent and life changes due to the wellness and upbringing of their child.
I do realize that unfortunately this is not the reality for all parents and couples. An expectant mother and father could both feel isolated. In the sense that the mother is experiencing so many changes in her body, hormones and appearance in which her partner is not. Even the father, may feel isolated because all the attention is no longer on him which may be because the dynamics of the relationship had changed. What I believe is key is to continue to communicate and to remember the baby comes from love. Babies are truly a blessing and I’m so happy to embark this new journey.

Cures of Physical Touch

Hey!

I saw an interesting tweet this morning that said cuddling can be a cure for pain just as pain killers are. Hmmm, I don’t know about you but it makes sense to me.

Like babies or a small child, when they hurt themselves or are feeling “under the weather”, seeking comfort from their caregiver adds to the recovery process. They feel safe and secure that whatever the issue is he or she will be fine. I feel this applies to grown-ups as well.

If you are not feeling well rather it be physical, mental or emotionally, seeking the arms of a companion, friend or family member can put you in better spirits. Sometimes, words are not needed to know someone is there for you during a challenging time. Just the embrace of feeling safe, secure and wanted speaks louder than any “I’m sorry this is happening with you” comments.

How does physical touch (hugging, cuddling) make you feel?

Dance in the rain

Have you ever had point in life where you feel like you are on cloud 9? Your’e smiling from ear to eat so much that your cheeks hurt? Then suddenly someone comes and try to burst your bubble? Question is… Do you allow them to?

One thing that is very important is for us to keep our composure and continue to feel happy regardless of what anyone says or thinks.

People will constantly try to rain on your parade but instead of getting frustrated, just continue to dance and sing. No one can shut down your Own happiness but You.

Remember take the wheel of your emotional well-being and continue on with your journey of life. It’s short so there is no time to waste.

Later friends
Nikki Rob., MA

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New Season, New You

So this time of the year a lot of people start their spring cleaning. Many clean their homes, get rid of the old and bring in the new. Many graduations take place, students are entering a new chapter of their lives. New cars are purchased and ahh the joy of the new car scent. Many weddings take place and the scenery of flowers blooming is epic in pictures. Different religions view spring as sacrifice and newness as well.

What about spring cleaning you?
Perhaps it could be a physical, mental or spiritual detox that is necessary? Maybe even a new LOOK? Whatever it is that you decide, let it be good for your own personal growth. Make more room in your mind for positivity. Only let positive like-minded individuals invade your space. Bring on the newness and let go of the baggage. You need better so go out and get it!

HAPPY SPRING

Nikki Rob.

Change of Scenery

Hey guys!

I know I normally make post on Saturdays but I was away for the weekend and currently flying as I type.

Change can be good and so can a change of scenery. 

Now a change of scenery doesn’t have to mean you move physically but it can be your mindset, employment, everyday activities, etc. Whatever a change of scenery means to you can be very beneficially especially if you feel things are becoming routine and you lack interest in you’re usual day to day stuff. 

Go for it! Take a chance and do something you possibly never thought of doing. You never know it can be a great start to new beginnings.

Good luck!

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Accountability

No one likes to take responsibility for the bad outcomes or experiences we face daily, it’s easier to point the finger to someone else.

Let’s say a student has detention after school.
Parent: why are you serving detention?
Student: Ms. Day only singled me out and there were other kids doing the same thing. She doesn’t like me
Parent: ok other kids acted up, but what do YOU do?
Student: I was playing and talking while she was teaching. But the other kids dared me to do it.

How many times have we heard this dialogue? Even into adulthood. We will still make excuses or find a way for the lime light to not be on ourselves or we have to take someone down with us.

relationships
I hear quite often about people in relationships getting mistreated. As hurtful as it may be, we must think about our role in the events. Has this person showed you a pattern of the same behavior? Did you set the tone of what you wanted in the beginning? If you allowed someone to have a lot of benefits in the beginning of the relationship, there really isn’t much to look forward to. Your mate has to earn your love and respect.

career
If you are reprimanded on your job for lateness there is nothing to blame but yourself. Yes traffic can be horrible, kids can be sick, a flat tire could occur but what makes you think your employer cares? Take responsibility and wake up earlier so that you can make it to work before your schedule time.

So accountability friends. We have to do better and handle our responsibilities.

Nikki Rob., MA

How are you doing?

I recently read an article that was shared on Facebook about questions that should be asked in order to improve our relationships with others.

When you communicate with people, we always say “how are you? Or how’s it going?” The answers usually are “fine, good or ok”, very routine. What if we asked more specific questions often? I believe that if we ask more specific questions not only does it show the other person that you care but it also shows that you listen ( refer to “stop and listen” post). Here are a few examples:

Parents to kid(s):
P: how was school today?
K: fine or ok
Typical response, let’s change it up a bit..
P: so how challenging was that science test? Did your study group help? If so do you think it’s something you should do more often?

That child has no choice but to respond with more than just a one word answer. He or she may even go into a whole dialogue about science which is great!

Marriage/relationship couples

Person a: hey babe how was work?
Person b: it’s was fine
Typical responses.. How could this change?
A: I saw on the news that the stocks dropped, how did that affect your day? Did any of your clients get hit hard?

Your mate will fully answer all the questions and probably think it’s cool that u relate other aspects of life and incorporate it with their career.

Friendships
Friend a- hey what’s up? How’s everything?
Friend b- everything is good can’t complain…, typical right? Let’s get more specific

Friend a: hey how are you? Last time we spoke you were going for a promotion, was it a success? I know how great it would be to get especially since you are moving to a bigger home soon.

Friend b will spill all the beans and give you a chance to listen and KNOW what’s going on with them.

Now of course in all the above examples you have people that are bit more stubborn to open up but trust they will appreciate your efforts to communicate with them. Also be mindful that not all can grasp this concept at first but we live by law of attraction and we DO feed off one another. So, be patient better quality relationships are on the way!

Nikki Rob, MA.