Embracing Pregnancy

Normally the type of post I write are geared towards relationships, career goals and encouragement. I’ve slightly touched on a few personal experiences until now… Yep My husband and I are 9 months pregnant with our first child. I’m beyond excited, nervous, and anxious all in one. I decided to blog on this topic because in my eyes I believe pregnancy is not only embraced by the mother (or surrogate) carrying the child but it’s also embraced by her significant other.
I would be lying if I said that I’m the only one pregnant or expecting. My husband and I are expecting our first child and we are pregnant. The things that are constantly running through my head are definitely running in his. Yes men and women have concerns and some are from different angles of thinking but it’s all the same, how to be a great parent and life changes due to the wellness and upbringing of their child.
I do realize that unfortunately this is not the reality for all parents and couples. An expectant mother and father could both feel isolated. In the sense that the mother is experiencing so many changes in her body, hormones and appearance in which her partner is not. Even the father, may feel isolated because all the attention is no longer on him which may be because the dynamics of the relationship had changed. What I believe is key is to continue to communicate and to remember the baby comes from love. Babies are truly a blessing and I’m so happy to embark this new journey.

Do’s and Don’ts if you plan to stay in a committed relationship

I am no relationship guru however I am intrigued by the study of marriage and relationships. I actually plan to obtain a degree in marriage and family counseling. So I entitled this post to be the do’s and don’ts if you plan to stay in a committed relationships because even though we are human and make mistakes we still forget the basics.

Do’s to stay in a committed relationship:
Rather you are courting, engaged or married, I will name a few things to continue to do in your relationship.

1) uplift your partner- with so much issues we deal with outside of home, you don’t need to be put down in your own house.
2)continue to be honest. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
3) if you started out the relationship doing sweet little things such as writing poetry, buying flowers, making your partner’s favorite meal continue to do so. Hey, you made it this far for a reason right?
4) recognize your partner’s love language. Gary Chapman wrote a book called “the 5 love languages” it’s excellent.
5)spend quality time- just because you are in the same room and sleep in together doesn’t count if there are distractions. So if one is on the phone, playing video games or watching a tv show, does your partner really have your UNDIVIDED attention? Think about it.
6) date night is a must- even if you have crazy schedules, kids or pets; always find a way to escape from it all. Even if it is staying in, find a calming place or room to be one with one another.
7) always say “I love you”- when you say it mean it an probe it through your actions towards your partner.
8) when making decisions ask for feedback from your partner- when you do this, your partner will see how much their opinion means to you. The last thing you want is to make a decision and your partner is totally against it.
9) Remain bestfriends- I will never get the concept of your partner not being a friend to you as well as lover. It’s like do you know what it takes to be a friend? If so your partner has to fall in that category.
10) With the exception of the higher being you worship, your partner’s happiness comes before others- this is straight to the point. Continue to aim for their happiness and out their feelings first, I guarantee they will do the same back.

The Don’ts
1) Cheat- if you are truly unhappy, just leave. It’s time wasted that you Both can’t get back. It’s also very selfish and if you are in a committed relationship, selfish is one trait you do not have room for.
2) threaten to leave- not only does it show your insecurities but it makes your person feel like you are throwing in the towel. Let’s say your partner calls your bluff and doesn’t fall into your attention seeking (yes it’s a cry for attention) trap, what will you do then? You said it, so you must have meant it right? Think on that one.
3) be disrespectful- you can’t expect respect if you don’t give it. For example, If your partner talks in a tone or uses language that you do not like; you can’t speak to them that way either.
4) tit for tat- that doesn’t work. So your partner did something on day 1 and you want to get back at him or her so you do the same on day 2. What was accomplished? 2 full days of being angry at one another all because of pride. Act your age on that please.
5) your partner is not your Ex- if you treat your partner in the same manner you did with your ex, my guess is you plan for this relationship to be short-lived. You can’t go in to a new relationship doing the same things that Didn’t work previously.
6) don’t keep feelings bottled up to yourself- all what happens is that you will blow up one day and while this happens, your partner will be lost and confuse about all the anger you are lashing out. Communication is key!
7) you are not a parent- there is a difference between expressing concern and treating an adult like a child. Yes it’s nice to check in but your partner does not need another parent to boss them around.
8) you have to be whole first- you can’t expect your partner to complete every aspect of your life. You have to be comfortable in your own skin, love yourself and accept yourself. Whatever is missing you can’t hold them responsible to fill the voids especially when they have theirselves to work on as well.
9) forgive and then not forgive-if you and your partner reconcile and you expressed that you forgave them, please stop bringing up that same issue from months ago. You aren’t perfect and expect forgiveness so you need to do the same for them.
10) get advice from certain “friends”- we have heard stop taking advice from single friends. Well it depends because if they have been in a committed relationship it doesn’t hurt to listen but if your friend has gone through relationships like they change their clothes… Not a good idea. Also, remember you know your partner on an intimate level. Their friends and family know them from that aspect not romantically, so who else could really be able to tell you about them romantically but you? Think about it..
11) be selfish- you have to make sacrifices. In a relationship it can’t be one-sided. This will definitely push your partner away because it shows you only care about yourself and not them.

These are just few do’s an don’ts, there are plenty more. In my opinion these are the basics. Reflect on yourself and relationship and make adjustments where it may be needed.

Later Beauties,
Nikki

Deep-rooted issues does take a toll on relationships

Nature vs. Nurture has always been the big debate of what makes us who we are. In my opinion I believe it’s both along with biological factors. We get our moral values from our up raising/how we were nurtured by our families and we pick up our personality habits from nature/ our environment. Then how we “tick” can be inherited as well.

There is no perfect family or life, if you come across someone who said they had the perfect life, they are lying and are telling their imaginary life stories just to draw you in. Everyone has a history regardless good or not good and it molds us into the person we are today.

For example, If you have trust issues because of family secrets or from dating experiences, you need to battle those feelings out before you decide to give a person a chance. It’s not fair to the other person to be dragged along with your emotions because you didn’t have yourself together. It’s also not fair to yourself to not have complete happiness.

Express your feelings. It’s possible that by opening up to one another, you may discover that he or she has similar experiences or emotions they are struggling with as well. The support given can bring a lot of positive to your lives.

So friends, tackle your past but don’t stay there. You are not destined to be in a screwed-up situation and you will only have what you put out.
Peace,
Nikki

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Patience is a virtue

I know we have heard this phrase plenty of times. Our elders say “don’t rush things”, “your time is coming”, or “you have to wait”. Most of the time it could have been a contest we wanted to win or wanted to do something that we were to young to do. Question is now: What about adulthood?

As adults, we work, have responsibilities and want to live a certain life style. We have an attitude that things need to be quick and in our hands immediately but like our elders said “you have to wait”. Just because you have to wait does to mean u sit on a stoop and count sheep, no you have to continue to work hard to have what ever it is you have lined up.

If it’s a relationship that you want to have, don’t worry even though you haven’t met him or her on the first few dates doesn’t mean he or she doesn’t exist. It can be many factors to why you weren’t aligned to meet yet or if you have met, possibly the opportunity isn’t right at that moment. Just don’t give up, keep bettering yourself and it all will work out.

If it’s career decisions, that too will work out. Rather it’s a business you are starting, that dream job or promotion, it will be your turn soon. You will be successful and it all does come together. Keep trying, don’t give up.

Patience is a Virtue….

Experience brings experiences

Experience=experiment and the lessons taught/learned

Haven’t we all been there? We have been told don’t do this or don’t do that but it doesn’t click unless we try it anyway.

I do believe that somethings do need to happen so we can have the experience and hopefully learn from it. So then we can share what we did wrong, reflect and not make the same mistake twice.

Do you agree that experience bring experiences?

Walking away from turmoil

When you’re a child getting into fights were some what the “norm”. If someone hit you, you would hit them back or if someone disrespected your mother, you were ready for war. At what point do you realize that physical contact changes nothing?

In school, if you fight you will get suspended or even expelled. It’s not worth it but as a child you are not mature enough to grasp that.

On your job, if you fight you can get fired and potentially get arrested. I don’t know about you but if that’s a place where you get your income to eat and pay for your place of living, I’d think twice about knocking someone out.

Lastly, fighting in your neighborhood/community. Now that the internet is filled with fights, are you sure you want to be amongst them? Some of you have children, do you want them to see you in a police car due to assault charges? Some careers that people have can result in the lost of certain licenses or certifications once you’ve been arrested… Is it worth it?

It’s all pride my friends. You feel if someone disrespects you that they should be taught a lesson. If you are not in harms way or feel physically threatened, walk away.

At the end of the day, people talk and words do hurt but be smarter and better. No matter how many times you go to battle, that opinion of your enemy never changes. He or she will still call you all the names under the sun even if they have a black eye.

Be better, do better….Walk Away

Cures of Physical Touch

Hey!

I saw an interesting tweet this morning that said cuddling can be a cure for pain just as pain killers are. Hmmm, I don’t know about you but it makes sense to me.

Like babies or a small child, when they hurt themselves or are feeling “under the weather”, seeking comfort from their caregiver adds to the recovery process. They feel safe and secure that whatever the issue is he or she will be fine. I feel this applies to grown-ups as well.

If you are not feeling well rather it be physical, mental or emotionally, seeking the arms of a companion, friend or family member can put you in better spirits. Sometimes, words are not needed to know someone is there for you during a challenging time. Just the embrace of feeling safe, secure and wanted speaks louder than any “I’m sorry this is happening with you” comments.

How does physical touch (hugging, cuddling) make you feel?

What do you look for in a partner?

hey peeps!

As the older we get, many of us begin to want to have a companion/partner/bf/gf/spouse. Many people don’t like to start anything serious with someone else until their careers are in order, or simply because they are not ready. When the time does come for change, when you are ready to share yourself with another, what do you look for?

I’m sure these answers vary from women to men and many confuse needs and wants when choosing a mate.

Basics-Face Value/Appearance
When we meet someone, what is the first thing you think of or see? We see their face and if we establish if we are attracted to them. Many may say it’s shallow to think about looks but let’s be honest, if you have not associated yourself with the person to get to know him or her, how else can you make a judgement?

Education
Do you think education matters? Does this person have to be a high school graduate or is having a higher degree a necessity? Does it really come down to where you are professionally? Do you feel they have to be on the same level or better than you?

Socio-Economic Status and Salary
Does what economic class he or she falls under matter? Does how much money he or she earns play a role? I know this is definitely a touchy subject because by this point if you know this much about a person, there is a possibility that you may be fond of him or her. So if you figure out that this person doesn’t meet your standards, is that a deal breaker?

History
This can be family dynamics, job history, substance abuse and even crime history. I know the history of a person can be debatable because people do rehabilitate and can change for the better however, its possible that old habits can linger around and people may not have the patience for that.

Culture/Beliefs
Many people have different family customs and traditions. The practice of a different religion can be a major reason for people to grow closer or apart. Political views/positions can seal the deal on a perspective mate.

These are just a few decision makers for people in the dating game and partner search. I recommend knowing Your value, knowing what you NEED in a partner, and knowing what you WON’T tolerate or ACCEPT in a potential mate.

Good Luck!!!

Dance in the rain

Have you ever had point in life where you feel like you are on cloud 9? Your’e smiling from ear to eat so much that your cheeks hurt? Then suddenly someone comes and try to burst your bubble? Question is… Do you allow them to?

One thing that is very important is for us to keep our composure and continue to feel happy regardless of what anyone says or thinks.

People will constantly try to rain on your parade but instead of getting frustrated, just continue to dance and sing. No one can shut down your Own happiness but You.

Remember take the wheel of your emotional well-being and continue on with your journey of life. It’s short so there is no time to waste.

Later friends
Nikki Rob., MA

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