Relationships and Situationships

Relationships
Marriages, domestic partnerships, long term, engagements, long distance etc.. Are people who establish that they want to be together and should be on the same page to achieve a common goal. They have to communicate, give love and respect to their partner in order for the relationship to work. Pretty clear huh? What about situationships?

Situationships

I’m sure you have heard your friend tell you how they met this wonderful person and how they really like each other but then when you ask whats the hold up they reply: “they have a situation”. This situation usually means they are in an unhappy relationship.

Situationships can be with marriages, long term dating, domestic partners and of course long distance but what can you do about it? If someone is involved in a unhappy relationship and is hesitant to leave it may be because of the time invested, financial comfort, convenience of basic needs ( food, clothes, shelter), child(s) or not wanting to be alone. Unfortunately, not only is it not fair to the person you are with but it’s unhealthy too. Being filled with resentment, hurt and fear does nothing but add extra stress in your life and could lead to risky life choices (cheating, substance use, etc..) Seek ways to fix the issues rather it be counseling or calling it quits BEFORE involving a third person to your “love triangle”.

If you are the new love interest of this person who has a “situation”, demand more for yourself. You can’t give your all to someone when he/she is giving you only a fraction. Maybe next life time you two can be an item or even better, when they can prove that are not in that unhappy relationship, worked on themselves and moving in a positive direction then give it a try. They have to work on themselves and show growth because the last thing you need is recycled baggage and habits the he/she did in the last one.

Relationships and Situationships… Can you relate?

Later

Nikki Rob., MA

Rebooting

Many of us are like the energizer bunny, we keep going and going…
Between family, career, friends we are constantly busy. The older you get more and more weekends seem to be filled with events that you must attend.

When do you take the time to slow down? When do you stop to have “me” time? It’s important to have personal time because it balances us. Suggestions could be:
Exercising, reading a book, going for a walk, meditation/prayer time etc…
Give yourself time to reboot for a peace of mind during your busy lifestyle.

Do you need some rebooting?

2 comments

What do you bring to the table?

It amazes me when I hear people complain about intimate relationships, friendships and jobs but when I ask what are you offering? I get a mediocre response.
How do you expect anyone to take you seriously when you have nothing worth substance to show for yourself? Now don’t get me wrong we all go through different hardships in these categories however it doesn’t mean you have to stay with a “Debbie downer” attitude either.

In an intimate relationship, you have your needs and wants in a mate. It can be looks, financial stability, work ethics, family oriented, share same religious beliefs etc but what do you show about yourself? Are you representing the same qualities of perfection that you desire? If the answer is “no” than maybe you need to take the time to work on yourself. It makes no sense to have high expectations for a mate when you are failing to do so for yourself.

Friendships just like any relationship is a two way street. To get respect you have to earn it. People will say in a heart beat that they have no friends or want friends but they push people away. Maybe social skills are lacking, maybe it’s a personality thing, whatever is the “reason” for giving others the cold shoulder, make sure you remain mad at yourself. It falls on you if you don’t want to communicate. It’s on you if haven’t found the “perfect” friend.

Jobs can be boring, stressful and fun(especially if your the owner) and many of us are not in our field of study. However, if you are constantly late, missing deadlines, being suspended, being absent and insubordinate, I really hope you don’t expect your boss to give you a raise or promotion. What are you offering for advancement? The work ethics just previously listed would get anyone terminated. If you were a boss, would you hire You??

Think about these things friends. If u feel u fall into any of these categories there is a will and a way to get better. I am here if anyone wants to chat privately.
Take care!
Nikki Rob., MA

Love doesn’t fail, people do

I find it interesting when I hear people say “I don’t want to date people anymore or I’m done with relationships because Love has failed me”.

Everyone has their own definition of the word Love. To many, it’s an emotion, it’s a feeling you feel with your mind, body and soul. We share different forms of love with our families, friends, pets, possessions etc.. but when it comes to intimate relationships, that is the only time that I hear “love don’t love me”.

When your significant other does something that you feel is a form of betrayal, of course you will be hurt, you Will feel pain and that’s because of that person not Love. People lie, steal, cheat and kill and LOVE should not be the blame.

I know for many who are currently going through heart ache from a break up, it may be difficult to believe this right now but please know that you WILL be ok. With time, doing things to better yourself and meeting new positive people, you can and Will love again. Love hasn’t failed you beloved, a person who didn’t deserve you did.

Nikki Rob., MA

Forgive and Letting Go

Forgiveness and Moving on (letting go)

Two things that should go hand in hand yet so challenging.
When someone does something to hurt you, for most its easier to just stay mad at them and cut them out of your life. What if it were a family member? a best friend from childhood? or your life partner? Not that simple? Indeed, it can be more difficult to turn the other cheek when it involves people you love and care about.

In our minds, we expect our closest to “KNOW BETTER” when in reality they are human. Humans are not perfect and will mess up. Your closest will say hurtful things, do hurtful things and let you down. Guess what?…So will YOU.

I do understand, that we all have limits. If someone (even the closest to you) did something beyond your limits and you can’t allow yourself to forgive them, ok so be it. I do believe that you need to Let go, so you can be able to live your life to the fullest. It doesn’t make sense to mope around in a depressive state when the other person is going to bed happy at night. On the other hand, if you do decide to forgive them, you have to communicate.

Communication aka Reconciliation can help you come to better terms. Express how the events made you feel and how you can work towards making the relationship better. Allow the person to express themself and clear his or her conscious as well. You will be surprised of the reasonings behind their actions regardless of your disapproval.
Think about it, havent you made someone upset or had an argument and wanted to get your point across? or tell your reasoning for what you did or didn’t do? I guess you expect people to give you another chance as well right? It goes BOTH ways friends.

This will not be an easy task to achieve and you may Not like it, but the benefit of relieving stress and letting go of toxic anger, is worth it for your mind, body and soul.

Nikki Rob., MA

Accountability

No one likes to take responsibility for the bad outcomes or experiences we face daily, it’s easier to point the finger to someone else.

Let’s say a student has detention after school.
Parent: why are you serving detention?
Student: Ms. Day only singled me out and there were other kids doing the same thing. She doesn’t like me
Parent: ok other kids acted up, but what do YOU do?
Student: I was playing and talking while she was teaching. But the other kids dared me to do it.

How many times have we heard this dialogue? Even into adulthood. We will still make excuses or find a way for the lime light to not be on ourselves or we have to take someone down with us.

relationships
I hear quite often about people in relationships getting mistreated. As hurtful as it may be, we must think about our role in the events. Has this person showed you a pattern of the same behavior? Did you set the tone of what you wanted in the beginning? If you allowed someone to have a lot of benefits in the beginning of the relationship, there really isn’t much to look forward to. Your mate has to earn your love and respect.

career
If you are reprimanded on your job for lateness there is nothing to blame but yourself. Yes traffic can be horrible, kids can be sick, a flat tire could occur but what makes you think your employer cares? Take responsibility and wake up earlier so that you can make it to work before your schedule time.

So accountability friends. We have to do better and handle our responsibilities.

Nikki Rob., MA

How are you doing?

I recently read an article that was shared on Facebook about questions that should be asked in order to improve our relationships with others.

When you communicate with people, we always say “how are you? Or how’s it going?” The answers usually are “fine, good or ok”, very routine. What if we asked more specific questions often? I believe that if we ask more specific questions not only does it show the other person that you care but it also shows that you listen ( refer to “stop and listen” post). Here are a few examples:

Parents to kid(s):
P: how was school today?
K: fine or ok
Typical response, let’s change it up a bit..
P: so how challenging was that science test? Did your study group help? If so do you think it’s something you should do more often?

That child has no choice but to respond with more than just a one word answer. He or she may even go into a whole dialogue about science which is great!

Marriage/relationship couples

Person a: hey babe how was work?
Person b: it’s was fine
Typical responses.. How could this change?
A: I saw on the news that the stocks dropped, how did that affect your day? Did any of your clients get hit hard?

Your mate will fully answer all the questions and probably think it’s cool that u relate other aspects of life and incorporate it with their career.

Friendships
Friend a- hey what’s up? How’s everything?
Friend b- everything is good can’t complain…, typical right? Let’s get more specific

Friend a: hey how are you? Last time we spoke you were going for a promotion, was it a success? I know how great it would be to get especially since you are moving to a bigger home soon.

Friend b will spill all the beans and give you a chance to listen and KNOW what’s going on with them.

Now of course in all the above examples you have people that are bit more stubborn to open up but trust they will appreciate your efforts to communicate with them. Also be mindful that not all can grasp this concept at first but we live by law of attraction and we DO feed off one another. So, be patient better quality relationships are on the way!

Nikki Rob, MA.

Stop and Listen!

How many of us really know how to Listen?

Can you recall a time when you were expressing your feelings or accomplishments to someone and then all of a sudden the conversation took a turn and became solely about them? Or in a disagreement with you and another person(s), no one could make out anything due to yelling and screaming? Yes, I’m sure we have all been there. What is usually accomplished in those situations? Absolutely nothing.

We live in a world where there are many customs and traditions which comes along with many different views on life choices, religion, family dynamics,career, politics, the media, sports etc.. We must remember:
1. not everyone is meant to be friends
2. everyone will NOT always agree with your opinions and beliefs
3. Sometimes people just want to vent without hearing feedback and if they do want feedback more than likely that will be stated before the story is told.
4. You can’t change people’s thoughts. Once people have an opinion in their heads its little to nothing you can do to make them see things Your way (refer to #2).Other’s are able to change their minds but its on their terms not yours. So accept their position and if you don’t then keep it moving.

Relationships are about Relating therefore, how you communicate is key. Try to listen before you speak or just be silent. To get your point across you don’t have to yell and shout. Yelling and shouting only raises your blood pressure and creates more disrespect between you and the person you are talking to.

In this upcoming week, I challenge everyone to LISTEN more and find other creative ways to get your point across without interrupting someone or yelling at them. Let me know how it goes!

Nikki

Who Inspires You?

Today, people around the US and world give recognition to Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

He was a man of peace and lived by the principles of Agape Love. I would say He is an inspiration to many including myself. When I hear his speeches and read his thoughts, I want to do better.

Is there anyone who inspires you? Do you get the need to want to do better and become better? Whom ever this may be for you rather they are living or have passed on, be the change you want to see in the world. Nothing is to big or small for you to accomplish.

Nikki

Are you wearing your crown?

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I hope you are! How do you look at yourself? Royalty? A peasant?
You don’t have to be rich to wear your own crown and no it doesn’t have to be one that’s visible either. Your crown can be imaginary that’s only seen by you but your attitude will reflect that you are a King or Queen.
Walk to the beat of your own drum and keep your head up! Let your light shine through 🙂

Nikki