What do you look for in a partner?

hey peeps!

As the older we get, many of us begin to want to have a companion/partner/bf/gf/spouse. Many people don’t like to start anything serious with someone else until their careers are in order, or simply because they are not ready. When the time does come for change, when you are ready to share yourself with another, what do you look for?

I’m sure these answers vary from women to men and many confuse needs and wants when choosing a mate.

Basics-Face Value/Appearance
When we meet someone, what is the first thing you think of or see? We see their face and if we establish if we are attracted to them. Many may say it’s shallow to think about looks but let’s be honest, if you have not associated yourself with the person to get to know him or her, how else can you make a judgement?

Education
Do you think education matters? Does this person have to be a high school graduate or is having a higher degree a necessity? Does it really come down to where you are professionally? Do you feel they have to be on the same level or better than you?

Socio-Economic Status and Salary
Does what economic class he or she falls under matter? Does how much money he or she earns play a role? I know this is definitely a touchy subject because by this point if you know this much about a person, there is a possibility that you may be fond of him or her. So if you figure out that this person doesn’t meet your standards, is that a deal breaker?

History
This can be family dynamics, job history, substance abuse and even crime history. I know the history of a person can be debatable because people do rehabilitate and can change for the better however, its possible that old habits can linger around and people may not have the patience for that.

Culture/Beliefs
Many people have different family customs and traditions. The practice of a different religion can be a major reason for people to grow closer or apart. Political views/positions can seal the deal on a perspective mate.

These are just a few decision makers for people in the dating game and partner search. I recommend knowing Your value, knowing what you NEED in a partner, and knowing what you WON’T tolerate or ACCEPT in a potential mate.

Good Luck!!!

Dance in the rain

Have you ever had point in life where you feel like you are on cloud 9? Your’e smiling from ear to eat so much that your cheeks hurt? Then suddenly someone comes and try to burst your bubble? Question is… Do you allow them to?

One thing that is very important is for us to keep our composure and continue to feel happy regardless of what anyone says or thinks.

People will constantly try to rain on your parade but instead of getting frustrated, just continue to dance and sing. No one can shut down your Own happiness but You.

Remember take the wheel of your emotional well-being and continue on with your journey of life. It’s short so there is no time to waste.

Later friends
Nikki Rob., MA

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What role are you Modeling?

I remember in elementary school learning about Role models and leaders of our country. When I wrote about this topic, I’d always write about my parents and Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. I felt my parents were hard workers, made sure all of my needs were met and even supplied me with the “Wants” I desired. In my eyes they paved the way for my success and future.

Now, I do understand that no one is perfect or was raised in a “perfect” home setting but I do believe you either accept it or aim to do better. We all know the saying that the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree, however every decision you make starts with a Choice.

Take the moment to ask yourself, do you like the role you are modeling? What do you believe your role is? And what is the ideal role you should model?
Please don’t lie to yourself and say that you “have no role or don’t need to be a role model”. Those are lies and negativity that you are projecting to the universe. You are Somebody and there is always someone watching.

Think about it friends. What are you projecting out? and how it could affect those watching you.

Nikki Rob., MA

New Season, New You

So this time of the year a lot of people start their spring cleaning. Many clean their homes, get rid of the old and bring in the new. Many graduations take place, students are entering a new chapter of their lives. New cars are purchased and ahh the joy of the new car scent. Many weddings take place and the scenery of flowers blooming is epic in pictures. Different religions view spring as sacrifice and newness as well.

What about spring cleaning you?
Perhaps it could be a physical, mental or spiritual detox that is necessary? Maybe even a new LOOK? Whatever it is that you decide, let it be good for your own personal growth. Make more room in your mind for positivity. Only let positive like-minded individuals invade your space. Bring on the newness and let go of the baggage. You need better so go out and get it!

HAPPY SPRING

Nikki Rob.

Change of Scenery

Hey guys!

I know I normally make post on Saturdays but I was away for the weekend and currently flying as I type.

Change can be good and so can a change of scenery. 

Now a change of scenery doesn’t have to mean you move physically but it can be your mindset, employment, everyday activities, etc. Whatever a change of scenery means to you can be very beneficially especially if you feel things are becoming routine and you lack interest in you’re usual day to day stuff. 

Go for it! Take a chance and do something you possibly never thought of doing. You never know it can be a great start to new beginnings.

Good luck!

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Relationships and Situationships

Relationships
Marriages, domestic partnerships, long term, engagements, long distance etc.. Are people who establish that they want to be together and should be on the same page to achieve a common goal. They have to communicate, give love and respect to their partner in order for the relationship to work. Pretty clear huh? What about situationships?

Situationships

I’m sure you have heard your friend tell you how they met this wonderful person and how they really like each other but then when you ask whats the hold up they reply: “they have a situation”. This situation usually means they are in an unhappy relationship.

Situationships can be with marriages, long term dating, domestic partners and of course long distance but what can you do about it? If someone is involved in a unhappy relationship and is hesitant to leave it may be because of the time invested, financial comfort, convenience of basic needs ( food, clothes, shelter), child(s) or not wanting to be alone. Unfortunately, not only is it not fair to the person you are with but it’s unhealthy too. Being filled with resentment, hurt and fear does nothing but add extra stress in your life and could lead to risky life choices (cheating, substance use, etc..) Seek ways to fix the issues rather it be counseling or calling it quits BEFORE involving a third person to your “love triangle”.

If you are the new love interest of this person who has a “situation”, demand more for yourself. You can’t give your all to someone when he/she is giving you only a fraction. Maybe next life time you two can be an item or even better, when they can prove that are not in that unhappy relationship, worked on themselves and moving in a positive direction then give it a try. They have to work on themselves and show growth because the last thing you need is recycled baggage and habits the he/she did in the last one.

Relationships and Situationships… Can you relate?

Later

Nikki Rob., MA

Rebooting

Many of us are like the energizer bunny, we keep going and going…
Between family, career, friends we are constantly busy. The older you get more and more weekends seem to be filled with events that you must attend.

When do you take the time to slow down? When do you stop to have “me” time? It’s important to have personal time because it balances us. Suggestions could be:
Exercising, reading a book, going for a walk, meditation/prayer time etc…
Give yourself time to reboot for a peace of mind during your busy lifestyle.

Do you need some rebooting?

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What do you bring to the table?

It amazes me when I hear people complain about intimate relationships, friendships and jobs but when I ask what are you offering? I get a mediocre response.
How do you expect anyone to take you seriously when you have nothing worth substance to show for yourself? Now don’t get me wrong we all go through different hardships in these categories however it doesn’t mean you have to stay with a “Debbie downer” attitude either.

In an intimate relationship, you have your needs and wants in a mate. It can be looks, financial stability, work ethics, family oriented, share same religious beliefs etc but what do you show about yourself? Are you representing the same qualities of perfection that you desire? If the answer is “no” than maybe you need to take the time to work on yourself. It makes no sense to have high expectations for a mate when you are failing to do so for yourself.

Friendships just like any relationship is a two way street. To get respect you have to earn it. People will say in a heart beat that they have no friends or want friends but they push people away. Maybe social skills are lacking, maybe it’s a personality thing, whatever is the “reason” for giving others the cold shoulder, make sure you remain mad at yourself. It falls on you if you don’t want to communicate. It’s on you if haven’t found the “perfect” friend.

Jobs can be boring, stressful and fun(especially if your the owner) and many of us are not in our field of study. However, if you are constantly late, missing deadlines, being suspended, being absent and insubordinate, I really hope you don’t expect your boss to give you a raise or promotion. What are you offering for advancement? The work ethics just previously listed would get anyone terminated. If you were a boss, would you hire You??

Think about these things friends. If u feel u fall into any of these categories there is a will and a way to get better. I am here if anyone wants to chat privately.
Take care!
Nikki Rob., MA

Love doesn’t fail, people do

I find it interesting when I hear people say “I don’t want to date people anymore or I’m done with relationships because Love has failed me”.

Everyone has their own definition of the word Love. To many, it’s an emotion, it’s a feeling you feel with your mind, body and soul. We share different forms of love with our families, friends, pets, possessions etc.. but when it comes to intimate relationships, that is the only time that I hear “love don’t love me”.

When your significant other does something that you feel is a form of betrayal, of course you will be hurt, you Will feel pain and that’s because of that person not Love. People lie, steal, cheat and kill and LOVE should not be the blame.

I know for many who are currently going through heart ache from a break up, it may be difficult to believe this right now but please know that you WILL be ok. With time, doing things to better yourself and meeting new positive people, you can and Will love again. Love hasn’t failed you beloved, a person who didn’t deserve you did.

Nikki Rob., MA

Forgive and Letting Go

Forgiveness and Moving on (letting go)

Two things that should go hand in hand yet so challenging.
When someone does something to hurt you, for most its easier to just stay mad at them and cut them out of your life. What if it were a family member? a best friend from childhood? or your life partner? Not that simple? Indeed, it can be more difficult to turn the other cheek when it involves people you love and care about.

In our minds, we expect our closest to “KNOW BETTER” when in reality they are human. Humans are not perfect and will mess up. Your closest will say hurtful things, do hurtful things and let you down. Guess what?…So will YOU.

I do understand, that we all have limits. If someone (even the closest to you) did something beyond your limits and you can’t allow yourself to forgive them, ok so be it. I do believe that you need to Let go, so you can be able to live your life to the fullest. It doesn’t make sense to mope around in a depressive state when the other person is going to bed happy at night. On the other hand, if you do decide to forgive them, you have to communicate.

Communication aka Reconciliation can help you come to better terms. Express how the events made you feel and how you can work towards making the relationship better. Allow the person to express themself and clear his or her conscious as well. You will be surprised of the reasonings behind their actions regardless of your disapproval.
Think about it, havent you made someone upset or had an argument and wanted to get your point across? or tell your reasoning for what you did or didn’t do? I guess you expect people to give you another chance as well right? It goes BOTH ways friends.

This will not be an easy task to achieve and you may Not like it, but the benefit of relieving stress and letting go of toxic anger, is worth it for your mind, body and soul.

Nikki Rob., MA