Tag: dating

My feelings on Colorism amongst Black people.

Happy Monday friends!

Over the weekend, I’ve read articles in regards to colorism amongst Black people. The Light skin vs. Dark skin issues, dating preferences and what is truly considered beauty. Many of us know that for many years there has been a “European” standard, therefore, anything close to resembling that was considered beautiful. Since then, people have become more open-minded about the beauty in darker shades and of those with kinkier hair. We see this in commercials, film and advertisements. However, this tends to still be an issues within our community especially when it comes to dating.

I have no problem with people having a preference of what their type is, just as long as they aren’t putting down people who don’t fit that description. Men and women are able to date whoever they please and I do feel it’s unfair for men to get criticized and women don’t. For example: if a black man prefers light-skinned women or dark-skinned women that shouldn’t be an issue. If he’s not bad mouthing the other group it should be no problem. It is a problem to some women. I wonder if it’s because she might be attracted to him and feels that she was disqualified based on a reason that she has No control over. That woman would go on and call him out and say he’s foul for not liking a group of women. However, women have standards too and some are ridiculous 🤷🏾‍♀️. I know some women who have preference of their men to be: over 6 feet tall, dark and muscular. So that cancels out a shorter, light skin men with a pudge belly, whom could be a really sweet person. But the sistas don’t get called out on that. When a man does let them know how it feels the conversation becomes “different” when it’s truly not.

We also have black people who create a status based on skin tone. Meaning they have associate with certain shades of people so that they can stand out or even feel included. Some people get excited to befriend the woman or man who seems to have it “made” for them. Mind you, that’s a theory that some just put in their own heads.

Hate to write this but this happens even in families. Some relatives are brainwashed and favor certain kids over the next because of their skin tones. I’ve heard stories where BOTH skin tones were ostracized and it’s so wrong. Ignore the family too, they do NOT know better because if they did, we wouldn’t have this discussion. Because let’s face it, some families encourage their children to produce with only certain type of people or skin tones.

Now this post isn’t to make anyone in the black community feel bad. I actually want you to you to take this and do the opposite. I want you to love the skin that you were blessed with! If You meet a woman/man who has a different preference than how you appear, that’s ok wish them well and on to the next one. Don’t get bitter, aim for Better. Love your skin, your features, your hair, God blessed you with it and KNOW that you are amazing! Ignore the insults because at the end of the day, it’s their lost.

Thoughts? Have you felt like this? Let me know below in the comments!

Thanks for reading!

Nicole Cherise♥️

Where is the love Wednesdays: no compliments for being an adult

Hey everyone!

Happy Wednesday! Today’s topic is “no compliments for being an adult”. 
It’s sad to me when I hear people brag about things that should be a given, such as having a job, a place to live, vehicles and a for having a positive attitude. What’s even more sad is when people talk about a prospect mate based on “being an adult” as if it’s a luxury. Is this truly what our society has come to? I remember a time where people would brag about their mate being doctors, lawyers and them driving a Mercedes Benz etc. Now the bragging is: “Nikki he has a job and drives a car”. I understand that we all have different lifestyles and situations, but after 30 years old that’s not a big deal. I am not trying to be a “Debbie downer” on anyone but I just wished it was more to talk about when others are finding a mate. 
What are your thoughts? Is this truly what it’s like in the dating scene now? Have you found yourself doing this as well? Speak on it. 
Nicole Cherise 

Where is the love Wednesdays: should age play a role in your love life?

hey all!

I’ve been discussing with my DH(darling husband) should age be a reason to base your decisions in your love life?

On this topic, I can see both perspectives. 

On one hand, things should not be rushed and relationships should naturally grow. A lot of times people meet and had no idea that they would be the committed couple that they are today. A friendship grew and blossomed into something beautiful, love.

On the other hand, I can see some who feel that their life is drastically changing. Meaning, their friends are starting families of their own, with time family dynamics change (parents getting older) and that fear of being lonely. 

Should your age set the time that you should start a family? Not necessarily but for some, they may feel that they don’t have a choice. 

What are your thoughts?

Nicole Cherise 

Where is the love Wednesday: stepping out of the box

Hey all! 

In today’s, “Where is the love Wednesday”, I want to discuss stepping out of the box.

Many times I hear people say that they are tired of the types of people they have been dating or I only attract this type of person blah blah blah. Ok, my two cents, if someone finds you attractive that’s exactly what it is, now the type that you give your time and energy to are on you. 

I’m sure many won’t agree but unfortunately the truth hurts. You can’t say I attract only crazy people when that’s not true. You are attractive to a quiet/reserved person, a scholar, an entrepreneur, etc. it’s who YOU decides who can take up your time.

My additional two cents would be to step out of the box. Date someone that you wouldn’t normally give a chance to. You never know what you learn from them and their culture. We ultimately need love, support and loyalty. You never know, that person could have been very close and worth it. In life we all take chances, stepping out of the box could be a great one!

Thanks for reading and following

Nicole Cherise

What do you look for in a partner?

hey peeps!

As the older we get, many of us begin to want to have a companion/partner/bf/gf/spouse. Many people don’t like to start anything serious with someone else until their careers are in order, or simply because they are not ready. When the time does come for change, when you are ready to share yourself with another, what do you look for?

I’m sure these answers vary from women to men and many confuse needs and wants when choosing a mate.

Basics-Face Value/Appearance
When we meet someone, what is the first thing you think of or see? We see their face and if we establish if we are attracted to them. Many may say it’s shallow to think about looks but let’s be honest, if you have not associated yourself with the person to get to know him or her, how else can you make a judgement?

Education
Do you think education matters? Does this person have to be a high school graduate or is having a higher degree a necessity? Does it really come down to where you are professionally? Do you feel they have to be on the same level or better than you?

Socio-Economic Status and Salary
Does what economic class he or she falls under matter? Does how much money he or she earns play a role? I know this is definitely a touchy subject because by this point if you know this much about a person, there is a possibility that you may be fond of him or her. So if you figure out that this person doesn’t meet your standards, is that a deal breaker?

History
This can be family dynamics, job history, substance abuse and even crime history. I know the history of a person can be debatable because people do rehabilitate and can change for the better however, its possible that old habits can linger around and people may not have the patience for that.

Culture/Beliefs
Many people have different family customs and traditions. The practice of a different religion can be a major reason for people to grow closer or apart. Political views/positions can seal the deal on a perspective mate.

These are just a few decision makers for people in the dating game and partner search. I recommend knowing Your value, knowing what you NEED in a partner, and knowing what you WON’T tolerate or ACCEPT in a potential mate.

Good Luck!!!