Hey everyone! It’s Hump Day but on my blog it’s “Where is the Love? Wednesdays”. Today’s topic is picking your battles.
When you and your significant other have decided to have courtship; you’ve decided that you both are committed and are working towards getting engaged then married. This time period you both are madly in love, spend plenty of time together and have learned each other. When I say learned each other I’m referring to knowing:
- What he or she likes/dislikes
- Their strengths and imperfections
- Their goals in life (family,career, personal etc..)
- You also continue to see the beauty in him or her and the not so beautiful aspect as well.
With that being noted, couples will clearly bump heads about things. Even the “perfect pair” will have arguments. Rather it’s big or small, arguments will come but which ones are worth having is up to you. I always advise friends to pick your battles in their relationship. The last thing you want is to be feuding with your partner 60% of your time shared especially when in two weeks you wont truly remember why the frustrations took place.
You want to be able to have peace with the love of your life for sanity purposes too. Think about it, people every day will try to knock you down and belittle you, the last thing you need is to be at war with your sweetheart non-stop. Therefore, choosing your battles is vital during these times. If that means you may have to take a walk, blow off some steam at the gym, say a silent prayer to be more calm so be it. Do what you need to cause less friction in your relationship so that you can effectively communicate with your other half.
I hope these tips help. Thanks for reading friends!
Are the windows of our souls
I wanted to discuss the importance of spending time during the first year of marriage. Any stage of marriage is very important but many say the hardest is the first year. I believe it’s because two souls are becoming one and learning to juggle the “newness” of marriage to your relationship.
On 8/9, my husband and I will celebrate 3 years of marriage. We are high school sweethearts and we basically grew up together as a couple. I believe this has helped us during the first year. We are each other’s best friend and loved spending time together. Which brings me to say that for newlyweds: Please spend time with your spouse.
With having a busy schedule from work, we tend to see our co-workers more than our family aka your new husband/wife. So, if you don’t make time for your spouse, what are you truly doing with your time? You must find a balance. Even though you are married it doesn’t mean that you lose your identity or should distant yourself from friends but it would be good to always consider your spouse on some “down time”.
What are your thoughts? Do you think spending time with your spouse weighs a lot during the first year?
Through out my life I’ve heard many people say “you have let a man be a man”. Now, what does this mean?
- Let him have his male ego. Let him be “macho” or feel like it at least.
- When he needs his time, let him do so with the guys, blah blah blah
- Let him have responsibility and take control of some situations.
Do I agree with all the statements above? No, however, I would never disrespect a man’s manhood and I give respect especially when it is returned.
Now what about women? Does anyone ever say “you have to let her be a woman?” Nope, at least I’ve never heard it before. As a woman, I consider my self intelligent, loving, sensitive, emotional, nurturing, supportive, just to name a few traits. So if I had to give a few suggestions of “let her be a woman” it would be ( my words are not law, so ladies feel free to chime in )
- Let a woman vent even if you think it’s petty or “not that serious”. More than likely we like who we are sharing our thoughts with so just listen.
- Don’t make us feel like our feelings don’t matter. Even the roughest/toughest women out there, still have feelings. Don’t laugh at us or place our feelings on a back burner, just because you feel that you would never take whatever we are upset about to the heart.
- Don’t take our love or how we give our love for granted. There is nothing more hurtful than when you give you’re all to your significant other and it’s ignored.
We are all beautiful creatures and need to be respectful to one another. I must say I am proud to be a woman, so let me be! Lol 🙂
This topic has been weighing on my mind a lot and since today is “where is the love” Wednesday, I figured why not post it here today? Thanks for reading. If u have any suggestions or would like to chime in please do in the comments section. Thanks guys!!!
Nature vs. Nurture has always been the big debate of what makes us who we are. In my opinion I believe it’s both along with biological factors. We get our moral values from our up raising/how we were nurtured by our families and we pick up our personality habits from nature/ our environment. Then how we “tick” can be inherited as well.
There is no perfect family or life, if you come across someone who said they had the perfect life, they are lying and are telling their imaginary life stories just to draw you in. Everyone has a history regardless good or not good and it molds us into the person we are today.
For example, If you have trust issues because of family secrets or from dating experiences, you need to battle those feelings out before you decide to give a person a chance. It’s not fair to the other person to be dragged along with your emotions because you didn’t have yourself together. It’s also not fair to yourself to not have complete happiness.
Express your feelings. It’s possible that by opening up to one another, you may discover that he or she has similar experiences or emotions they are struggling with as well. The support given can bring a lot of positive to your lives.
So friends, tackle your past but don’t stay there. You are not destined to be in a screwed-up situation and you will only have what you put out.
I know we have heard this phrase plenty of times. Our elders say “don’t rush things”, “your time is coming”, or “you have to wait”. Most of the time it could have been a contest we wanted to win or wanted to do something that we were to young to do. Question is now: What about adulthood?
As adults, we work, have responsibilities and want to live a certain life style. We have an attitude that things need to be quick and in our hands immediately but like our elders said “you have to wait”. Just because you have to wait does to mean u sit on a stoop and count sheep, no you have to continue to work hard to have what ever it is you have lined up.
If it’s a relationship that you want to have, don’t worry even though you haven’t met him or her on the first few dates doesn’t mean he or she doesn’t exist. It can be many factors to why you weren’t aligned to meet yet or if you have met, possibly the opportunity isn’t right at that moment. Just don’t give up, keep bettering yourself and it all will work out.
If it’s career decisions, that too will work out. Rather it’s a business you are starting, that dream job or promotion, it will be your turn soon. You will be successful and it all does come together. Keep trying, don’t give up.
Patience is a Virtue….
Marriages, domestic partnerships, long term, engagements, long distance etc.. Are people who establish that they want to be together and should be on the same page to achieve a common goal. They have to communicate, give love and respect to their partner in order for the relationship to work. Pretty clear huh? What about situationships?
I’m sure you have heard your friend tell you how they met this wonderful person and how they really like each other but then when you ask whats the hold up they reply: “they have a situation”. This situation usually means they are in an unhappy relationship.
Situationships can be with marriages, long term dating, domestic partners and of course long distance but what can you do about it? If someone is involved in a unhappy relationship and is hesitant to leave it may be because of the time invested, financial comfort, convenience of basic needs ( food, clothes, shelter), child(s) or not wanting to be alone. Unfortunately, not only is it not fair to the person you are with but it’s unhealthy too. Being filled with resentment, hurt and fear does nothing but add extra stress in your life and could lead to risky life choices (cheating, substance use, etc..) Seek ways to fix the issues rather it be counseling or calling it quits BEFORE involving a third person to your “love triangle”.
If you are the new love interest of this person who has a “situation”, demand more for yourself. You can’t give your all to someone when he/she is giving you only a fraction. Maybe next life time you two can be an item or even better, when they can prove that are not in that unhappy relationship, worked on themselves and moving in a positive direction then give it a try. They have to work on themselves and show growth because the last thing you need is recycled baggage and habits the he/she did in the last one.
Relationships and Situationships… Can you relate?
Nikki Rob., MA
I find it interesting when I hear people say “I don’t want to date people anymore or I’m done with relationships because Love has failed me”.
Everyone has their own definition of the word Love. To many, it’s an emotion, it’s a feeling you feel with your mind, body and soul. We share different forms of love with our families, friends, pets, possessions etc.. but when it comes to intimate relationships, that is the only time that I hear “love don’t love me”.
When your significant other does something that you feel is a form of betrayal, of course you will be hurt, you Will feel pain and that’s because of that person not Love. People lie, steal, cheat and kill and LOVE should not be the blame.
I know for many who are currently going through heart ache from a break up, it may be difficult to believe this right now but please know that you WILL be ok. With time, doing things to better yourself and meeting new positive people, you can and Will love again. Love hasn’t failed you beloved, a person who didn’t deserve you did.
Nikki Rob., MA