Tag: Relationships

Where is the love Wednesdays: associate with like-minded people

  

Hey all!

We are all different which means we love different as well. I saw this post on Pinterest and I feel it’s accurate. Too many times we often find ourselves getting upset because we love harder or go out of our way for others and don’t get the same in return. You can love people from a distance, but try to gravitate to those who are lovers like you. 

This doesn’t just mean romance, this refers to friendships as well. Surround yourself with like-minded individuals so that your positive energies can feed off one another. 

Have you ever felt that you would give and yet those around you only want to receive? When did you realize this and was it hard to let go? I’d like to hear from you!

Nicole Cherise 

Where is the love Wednesdays:the necessity to have someone vs improving yourself while being single

Hi all!

I come across conversations like this often. Would you rather be in relationships that fail all because you don’t like being lonely or would you take the time to better yourself and remain single?

 So much comes along with relationships and one thing to know is that doors should be closed before opening a new one. Many times the reasons why new relationships dissolve quickly are because lessons Not being learned, not being completely over your ex and comparing someone new to your ex. So, if all of these things can happen, why put yourself through the headache and just take your time? The answer is, people don’t want to be lonely. At a certain point in life, no one wants to be the “third wheel” or always single with no date to the invited dinner party. People want someone to share an intimate companionship with a person who isn’t a relative or friend. It just saddens me that people would go through all measures of drama and heartache just all for the sake of saying “I have someone”.

Why not take the time to better yourself? is what I ask. A friends once told me that she took the time to date herself. When I first heard that it made perfect sense. With dating you are learning about the other person. If you date yourself, you are truly taking the time to evaluate yourself. You learn your flaws and strengths; likes and dislikes; you pamper yourself for your self. I advise people often that self love is the best love. There are certain happiness that people expect to get from a potential mate, however, you need to find your own happiness first. When you better yourself, and you meet someone, your life could be at a better place mentally, emotionally and physically. 

What are your thoughts? Do you think it’s easier to be single and rediscover yourself or is it easier to be in a relationship just for the sake to have someone even if you are still damaged?

Nicole Cherise 

Motivational Monday’s: stay humble

  
Hello all! 

One thing we must always remember is to stay humble and don’t let our arrogance get the best of us. 

There is nothing wrong with being confident and having pride in your skills however, keep in mind that things can change up quickly. That company that you work for doesn’t have to take your ideas or your proposals. The woman or man that you have doesn’t have to believe thats you are the next best thing since sliced bread. 

People tend to think that people can be their downfall due to jealousy and the “snakes in the grass” theory, however, you are your own downfall to either your lack of confidence or arrogance. 

When you remain humble, your good deeds are recognized. Working hard to better your relationships, work place and community is the most rewarding thing we can do and blessings do come back.!

So enjoy your Labor Day and give this post some thought. Being humble can take you places and being arrogant can as well but not necessarily the direction you were aiming to. 

Nicole Cherise 

Where is the love Wednesday: throwing in the towel

You been in a relationship with someone who you thought was your world, you believed you would grow old together but then “something” went wrong. What do you do? Time to throw in the towel? 

To some, breaking up can be a “no-brainer”. It’s quite simple, if you aren’t happy then leave or if they broke your trust then all bets are off. However, for others it is Not that simple. People think about the length of time invested in the relationship, status ( example married), children etc.. So their answer to split isn’t just cut and paste. 

If you are confused on rather you should stay or go, consider these tips:

  1. Do a list of the pros and cons in staying in the relationship.
  2. Communicate and be honest. 
  3.  Let your pride go so that you can make rational decision. 

My word is not the Way but it could possibly be a good way to figure out the decision you need to make. 

Good luck!

Nicole Cherise 

Where is the love Wednesdays : cheating forgiveness and your partner wanting you to forget

Hey all!

So I was listening to “ask Angela Yee” on the breakfast club this morning and a guy called asking what to do about the lack of love he is receiving from his lady. He was questioning should he leave the relationship or stay and “do him”? Later he revealed that he cheated in the past and she forgave him but has still been cold and distant. 

My response is this: once you have cheated on someone the trust is broken and needs to be repaired. Every time your partner looks at you they could have flashes of you looking and touching another the same way. That is not an easy pill to swallow. However, they looked deep in their hearts and forgave you. 

You MUST be patient with your significant other. You can’t just have this “I said sorry so get over it attitude”. That is another selfish act of you when you do that. We all handle things differently and getting cheated on to some is like grieving because of piece of them died (trust) and things won’t be the same. 

Hope does prevail though. If your partner was able to forgive, I suggest that you do all that is possible so that you are NOT in a position to cheat again, treat your man or woman like the King and Queen that they are, give the security that it is all about you both to move forward, and be PATIENT to just to name a few. If you can’t do this or think it’s too much then let them go. 

On the other side, if you DID decide to forgive your partner for cheating it doesn’t mean you should forget but you do have find a way to move past their indiscretion. I’m not saying the next day you act like nothing has happened but if you throw it in their face everyday maybe you should re-think if you truly forgive them. If it’s too hard it’s ok for it to be a deal breaker no matter how much it hurts. You have to do what’s best for you and your sanity. 

What are your thoughts?

Nicole Cherise 

Where is the love Wednesdays: picking your battles

Hey everyone! It’s Hump Day but on my blog it’s “Where is the Love? Wednesdays”. Today’s topic is picking your battles.

When you and your significant other have decided to have courtship; you’ve decided that you both are committed  and are working towards getting engaged then married. This time period you both are madly in love, spend plenty of time together and have learned each other. When I say learned each other I’m referring to knowing:

  1. What he or she likes/dislikes
  2. Their strengths and imperfections 
  3. Their goals in life (family,career, personal etc..)
  4. You also continue to see the beauty in him or her and the not so beautiful aspect as well. 

With that being noted, couples will clearly bump heads about things. Even the “perfect pair” will have arguments. Rather it’s big or small, arguments will come but which ones are worth having is up to you. I always advise friends to pick your battles in their relationship. The last thing you want is to be feuding with your partner 60% of your time shared especially when in two weeks you wont truly remember why the frustrations took place. 

You want to be able to have peace with the love of your life for sanity purposes too. Think about it, people every day will try to knock you down and belittle you, the last thing you need is to be at war with your sweetheart non-stop. Therefore, choosing your battles  is vital during these times. If that means you may have to take a walk, blow off some steam at the gym, say a silent prayer to be more calm so be it. Do what you need to cause less friction in your relationship so that you can effectively communicate with your other half.

I hope these tips help. Thanks for reading friends!

Nicole Cherise 

Respect in a Marriage

imagesI’m 29 and will be 30 in July. From reading my blog you will know that I am happily married to my HS sweetheart and we have a beautiful son. Hubby and I have been together since 2000 and when we got married on 8/9/12 and it was the best day of my life. Many couples in my age range are either married or getting married and I’m very happy about that. I believe in marriage and if it were up to me, I would strongly urge couples to do so when they are ready.

Many couples have their own do’s and don’ts when it comes to what should or shouldn’t happen in their marriage. Therefore, what may work for one couple doesn’t necessarily mean it will work for another.
However, with that being said, all couples will agree that Respect in a marriage is needed.
When you are single (not married), you have freedoms and may feel that you don’t have to answer to your significant other, when you get married that changes. Your spouse becomes your equal and a reflection of you. No, I do not believe you should lose your identity just because you have tied the knot, but the happiness of your spouse should be a priority. The moment you place something or someone over your spouse, He or She will feel like they are on a back burner and in some cases possibly abandoned. Those actions will cause friction and resentment which could lead to the “D” word if you allow it to. It doesn’t matter how long you have been married rather it be 5 months or 25 years, when the respect is gone, so is the romance, partnership and last but not least the friendship.

For all newly engaged and married couples, I always give the one piece of advice “REMAIN BEST FRIENDS”. When you view your spouse as a best friend, you will do all you can to assure them that they are loved by you, you will aim to please them and their happiness ultimately makes YOU HAPPY. Respect, in order to get it, you have to give it. It’s a MUST in a MARRIAGE.

Nicole Cherise

If you are a couple that struggles with this, please feel free to email me :nicolecherise723@gmail.com

*all emails are confidential and will not be shared*

Do’s and Don’ts if you plan to stay in a committed relationship

I am no relationship guru however I am intrigued by the study of marriage and relationships. I actually plan to obtain a degree in marriage and family counseling. So I entitled this post to be the do’s and don’ts if you plan to stay in a committed relationships because even though we are human and make mistakes we still forget the basics.

Do’s to stay in a committed relationship:
Rather you are courting, engaged or married, I will name a few things to continue to do in your relationship.

1) uplift your partner- with so much issues we deal with outside of home, you don’t need to be put down in your own house.
2)continue to be honest. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
3) if you started out the relationship doing sweet little things such as writing poetry, buying flowers, making your partner’s favorite meal continue to do so. Hey, you made it this far for a reason right?
4) recognize your partner’s love language. Gary Chapman wrote a book called “the 5 love languages” it’s excellent.
5)spend quality time- just because you are in the same room and sleep in together doesn’t count if there are distractions. So if one is on the phone, playing video games or watching a tv show, does your partner really have your UNDIVIDED attention? Think about it.
6) date night is a must- even if you have crazy schedules, kids or pets; always find a way to escape from it all. Even if it is staying in, find a calming place or room to be one with one another.
7) always say “I love you”- when you say it mean it an probe it through your actions towards your partner.
8) when making decisions ask for feedback from your partner- when you do this, your partner will see how much their opinion means to you. The last thing you want is to make a decision and your partner is totally against it.
9) Remain bestfriends- I will never get the concept of your partner not being a friend to you as well as lover. It’s like do you know what it takes to be a friend? If so your partner has to fall in that category.
10) With the exception of the higher being you worship, your partner’s happiness comes before others- this is straight to the point. Continue to aim for their happiness and out their feelings first, I guarantee they will do the same back.

The Don’ts
1) Cheat- if you are truly unhappy, just leave. It’s time wasted that you Both can’t get back. It’s also very selfish and if you are in a committed relationship, selfish is one trait you do not have room for.
2) threaten to leave- not only does it show your insecurities but it makes your person feel like you are throwing in the towel. Let’s say your partner calls your bluff and doesn’t fall into your attention seeking (yes it’s a cry for attention) trap, what will you do then? You said it, so you must have meant it right? Think on that one.
3) be disrespectful- you can’t expect respect if you don’t give it. For example, If your partner talks in a tone or uses language that you do not like; you can’t speak to them that way either.
4) tit for tat- that doesn’t work. So your partner did something on day 1 and you want to get back at him or her so you do the same on day 2. What was accomplished? 2 full days of being angry at one another all because of pride. Act your age on that please.
5) your partner is not your Ex- if you treat your partner in the same manner you did with your ex, my guess is you plan for this relationship to be short-lived. You can’t go in to a new relationship doing the same things that Didn’t work previously.
6) don’t keep feelings bottled up to yourself- all what happens is that you will blow up one day and while this happens, your partner will be lost and confuse about all the anger you are lashing out. Communication is key!
7) you are not a parent- there is a difference between expressing concern and treating an adult like a child. Yes it’s nice to check in but your partner does not need another parent to boss them around.
8) you have to be whole first- you can’t expect your partner to complete every aspect of your life. You have to be comfortable in your own skin, love yourself and accept yourself. Whatever is missing you can’t hold them responsible to fill the voids especially when they have theirselves to work on as well.
9) forgive and then not forgive-if you and your partner reconcile and you expressed that you forgave them, please stop bringing up that same issue from months ago. You aren’t perfect and expect forgiveness so you need to do the same for them.
10) get advice from certain “friends”- we have heard stop taking advice from single friends. Well it depends because if they have been in a committed relationship it doesn’t hurt to listen but if your friend has gone through relationships like they change their clothes… Not a good idea. Also, remember you know your partner on an intimate level. Their friends and family know them from that aspect not romantically, so who else could really be able to tell you about them romantically but you? Think about it..
11) be selfish- you have to make sacrifices. In a relationship it can’t be one-sided. This will definitely push your partner away because it shows you only care about yourself and not them.

These are just few do’s an don’ts, there are plenty more. In my opinion these are the basics. Reflect on yourself and relationship and make adjustments where it may be needed.

Later Beauties,
Nikki

What do you look for in a partner?

hey peeps!

As the older we get, many of us begin to want to have a companion/partner/bf/gf/spouse. Many people don’t like to start anything serious with someone else until their careers are in order, or simply because they are not ready. When the time does come for change, when you are ready to share yourself with another, what do you look for?

I’m sure these answers vary from women to men and many confuse needs and wants when choosing a mate.

Basics-Face Value/Appearance
When we meet someone, what is the first thing you think of or see? We see their face and if we establish if we are attracted to them. Many may say it’s shallow to think about looks but let’s be honest, if you have not associated yourself with the person to get to know him or her, how else can you make a judgement?

Education
Do you think education matters? Does this person have to be a high school graduate or is having a higher degree a necessity? Does it really come down to where you are professionally? Do you feel they have to be on the same level or better than you?

Socio-Economic Status and Salary
Does what economic class he or she falls under matter? Does how much money he or she earns play a role? I know this is definitely a touchy subject because by this point if you know this much about a person, there is a possibility that you may be fond of him or her. So if you figure out that this person doesn’t meet your standards, is that a deal breaker?

History
This can be family dynamics, job history, substance abuse and even crime history. I know the history of a person can be debatable because people do rehabilitate and can change for the better however, its possible that old habits can linger around and people may not have the patience for that.

Culture/Beliefs
Many people have different family customs and traditions. The practice of a different religion can be a major reason for people to grow closer or apart. Political views/positions can seal the deal on a perspective mate.

These are just a few decision makers for people in the dating game and partner search. I recommend knowing Your value, knowing what you NEED in a partner, and knowing what you WON’T tolerate or ACCEPT in a potential mate.

Good Luck!!!

Relationships and Situationships

Relationships
Marriages, domestic partnerships, long term, engagements, long distance etc.. Are people who establish that they want to be together and should be on the same page to achieve a common goal. They have to communicate, give love and respect to their partner in order for the relationship to work. Pretty clear huh? What about situationships?

Situationships

I’m sure you have heard your friend tell you how they met this wonderful person and how they really like each other but then when you ask whats the hold up they reply: “they have a situation”. This situation usually means they are in an unhappy relationship.

Situationships can be with marriages, long term dating, domestic partners and of course long distance but what can you do about it? If someone is involved in a unhappy relationship and is hesitant to leave it may be because of the time invested, financial comfort, convenience of basic needs ( food, clothes, shelter), child(s) or not wanting to be alone. Unfortunately, not only is it not fair to the person you are with but it’s unhealthy too. Being filled with resentment, hurt and fear does nothing but add extra stress in your life and could lead to risky life choices (cheating, substance use, etc..) Seek ways to fix the issues rather it be counseling or calling it quits BEFORE involving a third person to your “love triangle”.

If you are the new love interest of this person who has a “situation”, demand more for yourself. You can’t give your all to someone when he/she is giving you only a fraction. Maybe next life time you two can be an item or even better, when they can prove that are not in that unhappy relationship, worked on themselves and moving in a positive direction then give it a try. They have to work on themselves and show growth because the last thing you need is recycled baggage and habits the he/she did in the last one.

Relationships and Situationships… Can you relate?

Later

Nikki Rob., MA